Wednesday, August 27, 2008

conversation with a co-worker

It was 1:30 AM one Saturday and we were all on a night out trying to deliver some code. I heard my two team mates talk about God and interfered for I too wanted a break and what can be better than talking about God. One of them said, “I do not believe God exists”. I was shocked. It was such an ungodly hour and we were sitting from 9 AM Friday morning. That statement sent a chill down my spine. I asked him, “Did you pray to God when you gave your class 10 exams or your engineering entrance”. He said, “Ironically, I did! And such were the only times I ever prayed.
And that is precisely why I have lost faith. We all pray to God only when we are in trouble. Nobody remembers to pray when all is well”. I had no words to say. I was shaken. That could be because I was working continuously from such a long time or may be, may be, I could not face the fact.

I do not wake up every morning with a prayer on my lips. I am not in a perpetual state of gratitude. I do seek remission when I think I hurt somebody or caused someone trouble. I celebrate festivals and help in a little way. Yet, I am not a happy person. I do not sleep in peace. I cannot forgive. All those tiny moments I get angry, I feel miserable, I feel stupid prove that I haven’t found God. But those very moments also prove that God exists; for they are only tiny moments. It is the grace of God that makes those moments pass and happiness return. It is entirely up to me to find God.

I have no idea what the name of God is. I do not know whether God is he or she. I only know there is an omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient being watching over us, thinking of how to bring peace when we go to the extreme fighting over his/her name and nature of existence. I am waiting for the day when all will be forgiven and humans will stop fighting over religion and beliefs.