Monday, July 27, 2015

The destination

As the massive gates closed behind me, I realized that I had no place to go. The nearest hotel was five kilometers away and no taxis passed by the house after 7 PM. It was 2 minutes past midnight and I was as drunk as I could be. I had decided to move out and packed in frenzy lest my courage desert me. As the full extent of this move began to dawn on me, I considered going back to the comfort of familiarity. If I went back now, none would be the wiser except of course the home automation system and no body checks those records anyway since it has intruder alerts and alerts when new users are added.

I turned around and swiped my card and the great gates creaked open. I walked in slowly looking ahead. I heard an owl hoot and instinctively looked up in the direction. It had black eyes the size of Ping-Pong balls. I never saw anything so beautiful. I was wondering why I was scared when I remembered it was a predator and hence the large eyes, but it certainly is a beautiful bird and they say it is lucky to see an owl with its eyes open. Walking towards the house, I was conflicted. Should I turn around and find out what is out there, in the great unknown? Should I go back to the life I am used to? I came to a sudden halt when it crossed my mind that it is no small thing, me, getting out like this. I understood that the familiar is far from comfortable. I remembered the numerous times I had wished to get out of this house, this city and this relationship. Every single time I had backed out for fear of the unknown, I felt trapped. I had vowed to never let another chance go by. This is that chance. There may not be another. I turned back around and took a step forward. I felt the breeze on my face and a smile spread across my lips into my eyes. Dreams will never come true if I continued to find comfort in the known. I need a reason for my life, a passion to pursue and an identity to distinguish myself from the teeming millions. I will regret forever not flying away in this moment of strength. I resumed walking, towards the house! I went to the foyer, and instead of going in entered the security bunk. I opened the door and front gate and timed the closure for ten minutes, deleted my account as homeowner, returned my card to the slot and ran for all I was worth. I just crossed the threshold when the great gates began to close behind me. I continued to walk and reached the intersection. My cellphone buzzed loudly. It was he. I ignored it and walked on. Explanations will be given in due time. Right now, I need a place to calm down and sober up. I will regret this boldness but I will not turn around.

I swallowed nervously and walked into the dark and unknown, hoping it was the right way to the main road. There is bound to be an early bus into the city.

Here I am sitting at a table at “Charm” eating sunny side up on toast and drinking coffee. The ocean waves are crashing down the shore and making a glorious morning noise. There is nothing as blissful as a jog along the beach and a hearty breakfast. He is here with his new wife. They have a daughter. They are laughing and drinking milkshakes. His wife walked past me and spoke to the manager. She said that they have been coming to Charm since the day it opened and that they want to celebrate the 5th birthday of their daughter here. It means closing the restaurant for one a day and catering only to their party guests. She wanted a discount on the already slashed down party rates. The manager glanced at me imperceptibly and explained to her that the rates are reasonable and no further discount is possible. She pouted, played the hurt patron but the manager didn’t budge. I should know. I started the place three years after I left him and that life.